Shame

Description

Shame must be distinguished from healthy guilt. Guilt says: "I did something wrong" and can lead to repentance and reparation. Toxic shame says: "I am bad, dirty, worthless and unworthy of love."

Frank and Ida Mae Hammond have areas related to shame in their groupings, John Eckhardt explicitly mentions "spirits of guilt, shame and condemnation", and contemporary ministries, including Above & Beyond Christian Counseling and Lionheart Restoration Ministries use the term "spirit of shame." Francis MacNutt discusses the spiritual and emotional consequences of deep wounds. Shame may therefore be both a deep wound and an area that calls for spiritual discernment.

Shame very often arises where a person has been exploited, humiliated, publicly embarrassed or forced to keep a secret. Especially important: a victim of sexual violence or other abuse is not to blame for what was done to them. Shame can be placed on a person by another's sin.

The pattern perpetuates concealment: the person fears that once he or she is truly known, he or she will be rejected. The goal is to separate guilt from harm, bring lies to light and rebuild identity in God's truth.

Symptoms / signs

A deep sense of "I am a bad person" (not just "I did something bad"), hiding one's true self, avoiding closeness and light.

Possible roots / causes

Sexual or other violence, public humiliation, a shaming upbringing, rejection, peer violence (bullying), keeping family or personal secrets, and one's own sin, which a person cannot separate from his or her identity.

Doors / context

Long-term acceptance of the lie "I am dirty/worthless", hiding one's sin without repentance, and perpetuating an identity based on other people's violence or humiliation. The harm itself is not a culpable spiritual opening of the victim.

Effects

Hiding the true self, isolation, difficulty in closeness, self-rejection, inability to accept forgiveness despite repentance, seeking the approval of others and susceptibility to further control by people using shame.

Help / what next

Separate what a person has done from what has been done to them. Confession of one's own sin where it actually occurred, healing of wounds and rejection of a false identity, safely coming out of hiding, and prayer for deliverance from shame, condemnation, and lies about one's worth.

“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion.”
Isaiah 61:7. Teaching sources: John Eckhardt — spirits of guilt, shame, and condemnation; Don Ibbitson / Above & Beyond Christian Counseling — discerning and resisting a spirit of shame; Lionheart Restoration Ministries — breaking the power of shame; Francis MacNutt — spiritual consequences of deep wounds.